Wow, if there’s ever been a week for tangible, visible proof of progress, last week was it.
I knew the portrait we’d started working toward the week before was going to be a challenge, so last Saturday, I decided to go into the studio to try to take a practice run at it on a smaller surface. I spent over 2 hours, working on the under painting, ‘sketching’ the shapes out and blocking them in, and then ended up wadding the whole thing up and chucking it into the garbage. I was incredibly frustrated with how it was developing and I just honestly felt lost. That was when I went home and sketched portraits for a while just to make myself feel like I hadn’t totally lost any skill I had!
Coming out of that session, I tried to dig into what felt wrong so I could ask specific questions as we dove into the next week of painting. Monday, I came ready. I prepped my easel and materials and talked with the instructor about the specific points I had felt so lost on. Reflecting on our conversation from where I sit now, I know that a lot of it was just the sheer discomfort of working through the messy, unclear (and new-to-me) steps to get to the clear end goal. I understood what needed to happen, but having never done it, it all felt wrong. I’ve said it before, but I really did luck out and get the best instructor possible. She’s patient and understands not only the questions you might have, but also the feeling that goes with it, which means she can kind of anticipate what you might not even be saying.
Throughout the week I went from the most rudimentary outline to what’s coming together as a piece that’s surprisingly cohesive—and this is what I wanted to get out of this course. I’ve been pushed into deep discomfort, challenged to do new things that I didn’t honestly even believe were possible for me, and have extracted skills and outcomes that are both unexpected and delightful. If you showed me last week’s piece that I brought to life a month ago, I wouldn’t have picked it out of a lineup as mine, not even in a million years. Truly surprising yourself is a rare and delightful feeling.
Thursdays are our last class days, and we kicked it off last week with an “80% done” critique. We all put our pieces up for discussion, and I got some great, tangible input that I took through the rest of class. This whole experience with the portrait has pushed me out of being precious and focusing almost (dare I say!) more strategically about what I should be working on. As we’re spending our few precious hours in the studio, I’ve started asking myself what part of this piece can I work on that will have the most impact, and diving into that specific thing until it feels done enough for the moment, and then I ask the same question again and tackle the next thing.
I did go back in on Friday afternoon just to block in some of the background, and there really is nothing like the quiet of the studio, setting up your workspace, and getting into the flow. This whole experience has been even better than I expected, and I’m so happy that I took the chance and went for it. I’d love to take the next level of classes, but right now, I’m not sure the times will work around my schedule, which means again, I need to think about the specific questions I have for my instructor so I can get some guidance on how I can continue to progress in the same ways I’m seeing here, just on my own after class is done. Either way, I’m excited to keep pushing myself to see what else is possible, and what else is in me.
It's Henley 